TL;DR:
- Many teachers have two versions of themselves—a work version and a vacation version.
- Instead of experiencing self-care, we experience after care.
- In after care, the focus is on recovering from your daily stress. However, self-care is preventative.
Find me an educator who isn’t grinding it out in March. We are all longing for sunshine and a moment to catch our breath. We are in need of a little vacation, some time and space to rest and recapture some energy, but we aren’t there quite yet. There is still so much to do.
Self-Care of After Care?
Let’s talk about the difference between self-care and something Nedra Tawwab calls after care. Tawwab is the author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, and she says, “Many of us are not practicing self-care, we are practicing after care. After care is what we do once we are diminished and depleted. Self-care is preventative. It is used to stay well and maintain your peace.”
I need to get healthier and not just wait until I am ready to fall apart to care for myself...I have to catch myself and care for myself NOW in the present moment. Click To TweetThe Two Suzannes
This hit home for me, and I imagine it does for many of you too. To unpack this a little more, I’d like to introduce you to 2 versions of myself: Work Suzanne and Vacation Suzanne.
Work Suzanne. She is hard-working, focused, dedicated, and energetically gets all the things done.
Now let me introduce you to what my family lovingly calls, Vacation Suzanne. You see her only a few times out of the year during an extended school break. And let me tell you, she is a good time. For example, she’s not up at 5 AM to work out. She’s not planning or cooking meals. She is not driving around to 15 buildings to teach, consult, meet, and problem solve. Errands? No ma’am. Cleaning? No sir.
Vacation Suzanne is s-l-o-w. And doesn’t want to lead. Or make a decision, plan, or do much of anything but just be.
It’s been a family joke for years, and we laugh about the difference between these two versions of myself. But reading more of Nedra Tawwab’s work, I realized what Vacation Suzanne represents: she represents the “after care.”
Because Work Suzanne thinks, “After I get through [insert 1,000 school or home tasks], I’ll rest a bit and watch TV.”
“After I grind out a 4-mile run, I’ll collapse and enjoy the banana bread we made yesterday.”
“After I clear out some of these emails, I can call Donna to catch up.”
Existing in After Care
Do you see why it’s called after care? Because it’s what I do after I do alllll of the things and I can do nothing else but collapse. Like Nedra says, I feel diminished and depleted. I check out. And mindlessly scroll. I fall asleep on the couch at 8 PM.
This has made me examine the times I stop and care for myself preventatively. I recognize I need to get healthier and not just wait until I am ready to fall apart to care for myself. It can’t be reserved for the times after I have accomplished all the tasks. Therefore, I have to catch myself and care for myself NOW in the present moment.
Continuous and Consistent Self-Care
Nedra Tawwab says, “As a preventative measure, we need to lean into continuous and consistent self-care practices.” In other words, we can’t treat our minds and bodies like some of us may treat our cars; we may ignore the engine lights going off warning us something is going to breakdown, and just keep driving until the problem becomes “real” and major repairs need to be made. We shouldn’t do that to our cars. Likewise, we shouldn’t do that to ourselves. This all may seem like common wisdom, but it isn’t necessarily common practice.
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This week’s invitation is to try and make continuous and consistent self-care the practice. Vacation Suzanne is going to start merging—even the tiniest bit—with Work Suzanne. I will find ways to slow down, catch my breath, forgo a chore or two in an effort to care for myself DURING the tasks instead of waiting until AFTER they are all done and I feel weary. Doing this will help me show up better for my family, my colleagues, and myself.
Watch out for those check engine lights. They are warning signs that we need care so we don’t break down.
Stay well and maintain your peace.
Today.
Small Shifts, BIG Gifts!
How can you nurture continuous and consistent self-care now during such a busy personal and professional season? Find a place in your day when you can do this and see if it increases your happiness at work or at home.
About Suzanne Dailey
Suzanne Dailey is a proud member of the Teach Better Family! She is an instructional coach in the Central Bucks School District where she has the honor and joy of working with elementary teachers and students in 15 buildings. Suzanne is Nationally Board Certified, a Fellow of the National Writing Project, and has a master’s degree in Reading. She is dedicated to nurturing and developing the whole child and teacher. Suzanne lives in Doylestown, Pennsylvania with her husband and two children.
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