Empathetic Love: How the Great Principals Lead

Efraín MartinezBlog, Lead Better

TL;DR:

  • Empathy is essential in schools.
  • Principals should continue to develop ways to demonstrate empathy towards their staff.
  • Be empathetic when working to support staff, provide them feedback, and help them improve.

One of our great pleasures in life, you wouldn’t take real joy watching a movie or reading a novel if you couldn’t feel suddenly ambushed with feelings being provoked by your empathy for the people in this imaginary situations.

– Conversation between Sam Harris & Jonas Kaplan

 

On my first #TeachBetter post, I alluded to the death of a student’s sister. This devastating incident took a big toll on me. My body freaked out with spasms. Then, I couldn’t move my legs due to the immense uncontrolled stress in my life. With time and experience, I learned that I was suffering because I loved my students with sympathy. I was suffering with them and not offering anything in return.

You ought to ask yourself how you would feel if your physician would start crying in the middle of surgery. Or the firefighter was crying in the middle of trying to save a loved one. Acknowledging what I signed up for (to serve others, to solve daily minute-by-minute problems), I started leaving sympathy underneath my pillow and bringing empathy with me to school.

I started leaving sympathy underneath my pillow and bringing empathy with me to school. Click To Tweet

Empathy in School

Empathy is easily recognizable (like the way we feel the empathy of a sensitive teacher). However, it is rarely praised (e.g. “most empathetic employee”). Empathy is essential as it is consistently employed in teams (Goleman, 2004). In a school setting, a principal is to employ large quantities of empathy by understanding the perspective of others.

School principals are to develop empathy further to properly serve their communities with rapturous support. One idea is to create a simple Google Form for teachers and staff with the following questions:

  1. How well do I listen?
  2. Do I take the time to understand others’ positions?
  3. Have I invested in others’ personal and professional development?
  4. Do I listen without trying to fix the problem?
  5. Am I sensitive, compassionate, and caring toward the people I lead? (Connors, 2020, p. 110)

Empathy in Feedback

It is not about just being nice to everyone; school principals require the ability to deliver difficult feedback to help people build greater self-awareness and skills (Brackett, 2019, pp. 231-232). Adapting Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936), here are some recommendations:

  1. When addressing a teacher, begin with praise.
  2. Rather than presenting an argument, notice something that needs improvement, inquire, and listen. Often, the teacher will end up giving themselves the best advice.
  3. Keeping in mind that the opposite invites resistance, point out problems indirectly. For example, rather than saying, “Your first class of the day is the worst because you arrive at the same time that students do,” say: “Imagine for a moment how pleasant it would be to greet students, all cheerful and relaxed. Can we agree that arriving 5 minutes early could bring positive results for all?”
  4. When the emotionally intelligent principal asks questions instead of giving orders, the other person can come to their own conclusions as people prefer their own ideas better.
  5. The pride of all individuals is to be preserved. If not, the employee being led will resent their principal, making it impossible to be influenced.
  6. Connect feedback with something positive: “I remember how great you handled that tough situation with student A; this new situation is right up your alley.”
  7. Appeal to the employee’s pride by pointing out how much better it can be for them by providing feedback as praise.
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Elevate Teachers

As Todd Whitaker so eloquently stated: “When the principal sneezes, the whole school catches a cold.” More important than ever, in this pandemic world, the principal’s duty is to elevate the teacher’s practice, which is conducive to fructiferous student learning. Empathy, without a doubt, is the gateway for great things to happen.

References

Carnegie, D. (1936). How to Win Friends and Influence People. Simon and Schuster

Connors, C.D. (2020). Emotional Intelligence for the Modern Leader: A Guide to Cultivating Effective Leadership and Organizations. Rockridge Press

Goleman, D. (2004). W/hat Makes a Leader? Harvard Business Review, January 2004. https://hbr.org/2004/01/what-makes-a-leader  

Martinez, Efrain, “Dispositions of Emotional Intelligence in School Principals” (2020). Dissertations. 557. https://digitalcommons.nl.edu/diss/557 

About Efraín Martinez

Dr. Efraín Martínez is a father, husband, and the principal of Northwood Middle School in Highland Park, IL. He reflects and interviews luminary figures on his podcast Wisdom & Productivity. His one word is #improvement and he strives to do all he can to make a difference in the world.