TL;DR:

• Do you have an article of old clothing that you have a hard time throwing out? You are probably not alone. Relationships can fall into this category too. Sometimes they become torn and tattered like an old pair of jeans and no longer fit well with us.
• Take time to re-evaluate relationships and choose to move on with ones that allow you to be yourself and bring joy.

Replenish Your Shelves

I can visualize the untouched article of clothing that sits on the shelf in the back of my closet. My favorite pair of jeans. Extremely distressed jeans, holes in the knees, with softly worn fabric that I could snuggle up to like a blanket. 

No matter how long it’s been since I’ve worn them, I can’t toss them aside. No matter how many times I’ve rearranged my closet, they seem to stay in the same spot, neatly folded, taking up critical organizational space. I hope you can relate on some level. 

However I simply try to reason with myself, I find it impossible to let them go. I think that I’ll shed a few pounds, or that I could make cute denim throw pillows out of them (even though I don’t sew), or that I’ll get them altered so that they fit just right again. Again, I know I am not alone in this mindset.

Choose to put on those things that will undoubtedly allow you to BE YOU, woven together with great joy. Click To Tweet

If you know me at all, you know I love a good object lesson.

Much like an actual closet shelf of unworn denim, I am envisioning an important connection here. Could it be that some of us have a difficult time letting go of personal relationships that we know are just taking up breathing room and not contributing to our well-being? Relationships that we have set on the back shelf.

We hang onto those that don’t require much space or attention, but what purpose do they serve? Are they worn out, unable to be repaired, stretched thin, and possibly could never fit again?

The first school where I began my teaching career was amazing. I loved the administration, the faculty, and the camaraderie we shared as a staff. But years went by and the turnover rate started to greatly increase. There wasn’t a particular reason that I was aware of, but there was evidence of cracks that slowly began to erode the fellowship of closeness amongst our team. 

Those cracks led to further dissension and negativity. Gossip, personal rumors, injury to reputations, and cattiness became the norm. That negativity continued to spread quickly and weed out the joy and respect in our professional learning communities. 

Relationships were torn and frayed. They were no longer woven together seamlessly. 

Circumstances arose that provided an opportunity for me to leave this environment and return to homeschool my son privately. Even though it was an agonizing choice, it proved to be the best option for my family. 

I remembered the exact moment that I felt relief and contentment when that burden was removed and I could move on with positivity as a passionate educator. I was free to resume being authentically ME. 

Slowly, I put those relationships on the back shelf. There were occasions when a few of my former teacher friends would call and we went out casually for dinner. I was confident that I could keep them tucked away and bring them out later for mending. But I didn’t. 

Whether it is a pair of well-loved jeans or a tattered relationship that needs to be patched up, letting go is never easy. Clearing out what you believe could be salvaged requires an enormous amount of emotional time and effort. Sometimes friends just don’t fit right anymore.

Especially when there is deeply-rooted history or treasured memories still shared. It may be easy to keep around an old friend (like those dearly loved jeans) just because you’re used to having them there as a comfort or a go-to for security. 

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I find that when I am holding onto something I genuinely know needs to go, it produces a conflict that is challenging to resolve.

It’s exhausting and unnecessary. When I take steps to realize that there is no way to sew up the flaws, repair the tears, and put a patch on the holes, the answer becomes more uncomplicated. 

Maybe it’s time to replenish your shelves for a fresh start. Make space for new jeans and new relationships. You don’t need to explain yourself to people who aren’t contributing positively to your life.

Choose to put on those things that will undoubtedly allow you to BE YOU, woven together with great joy.

Literally and figuratively, one size does not fit all. Acknowledge, accept, and optimistically look forward to that new season that just may fit perfectly.

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About Jillian DuBois

Jillian DuBois currently serves as an elementary school educator in Clearwater, FL. She has worked both in public and private educational settings for over 20 years. Her passion is to initiate, instill, and infuse joy to those in educational leadership through blogs and podcasts. Jillian uses her voice to help foster hope for student equity and empathy. Outside of school, you will find Jillian outdoors, soaking up the sun and surf, or finding new paths to hike with her husband and son. You can visit her website here!